Gentlemen Please, Decorum!

Well, another perfectly good evening was close to ruination. The cause? Inconsideration and a total lack of decorum by a few cretins masquerading as gentlemen. There is an appropriate quote from Fitzgerald in Tender is the Night, I believe, lamenting the lack of decorum in men but the passage escapes me so I’ll take this time to paraphrase (crudely). There are many things a man can and should do when out and about in public: be polite, well-dressed, groomed, always courteous and considerate to a fault. Then there are the things a man should never be seen doing in public. And these occurrences are prevalent, I tell you. I am chalking this breach of character up to pure ignorance instead of puerile arrogance.

In the company of others a man should not chew gum, adjust his business or blow his nose (allergies are a different story, but try to make it the men’s room). A man should not put his hands in his mouth and never should he pick at his teeth after dinner, toothpick or not. In fact, a man should not use a toothpick in public. A man should not touch his face, fiddle with his hair, or put fingers in his nose or his ears. God forbid he should take out a brush or a comb! When in public, a man should not gaze longingly into the mirror at his own reflection. If this seems strict, it is. Men, let’s excuse ourselves to the men’s room. There in the privacy of a closed door to the general public feel free to perform your rituals, but never, ever in public. It just makes senses doesn’t it? Who wants to see these things?

While we’re at it, let’s remind ourselves not to talk so loud in public. No matter how hilarious and clever we think we are, nobody who does not know you honestly wants to hear your story. Don’t guffaw and hee haw so that you draw attention to yourself or to those in your party. Respect the privacy of others. Be attentive, not disruptive. These reminders don’t seem so harsh, do they? The world is getting more crowded, not less. Let’s make it pleasant, shall we? - Social Primer

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